Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
