i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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