do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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