my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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