addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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