The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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