So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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