i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We are two peas in an std pod
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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