i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
