I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I only lived at night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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