I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
