i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
