Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
