dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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