wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
