I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I skipped work to stalk him.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
