Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
