I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
