Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
