My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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