dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
