my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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