Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
