Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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