Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
