so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
