I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
