sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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