Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
