I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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