I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
