I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i already hear my dad disowning me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
