god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
