do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
