she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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