She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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