I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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