that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
