For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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