i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
