remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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