i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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