Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
