Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
