Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
