Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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