thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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