you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
