Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
