I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
