I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
