He disabled his match.com account in front of me
love makes seman taste better
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
