She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
