i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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