Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
