Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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