This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she pinky promised me she was 18
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Come back. Shots need mouths.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize