On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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