i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
