Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
