the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
