We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
