Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize