I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
