i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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