i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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