He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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