Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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